1. given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
my boyfriend would probably be the best choice because i wouldn't be scared and nervous and having a panic attack. my boyfriend is really nice and good company and i like to make sure he eats lots of good food. maybe peter steele if he wasn't dead.
2. would you like to be famous? in what way?
i would love to be famous for being a wonderful person that everyone loves.
3. before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?
i will say my lines out loud before a phone call. i tell people in the room that i have to make a phone call and i say my lines.
4. what would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
a perfect day for me ummm would be like ummm maybe on a beautiful beach somewhere and it's not too hot and my boyfriend and my best friend are there and they are smiling and happy and having a great time with me at the beach and we get to drink alcohol and laugh and then we relax in a resort and there's a spa. maybe there is a lot of mashed potatoes too. or vegetarian sushi.
5. when did you last sing to yourself? to someone else?
i sang to myself today because i love to sing along to good music. i sang to my boyfriend the other day because we were listening to music and ummm well that's just what happened.
6. if you were able to live to 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you pick?
i would rather have the mind of a 30 year old because i'm really scared of forgetting the people and moments that make me happy and smile. i dont want to be old and miserable without my memories i love thinking about the good sunny moments in my life.
7. do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
i do not have a secret hunch i try not to think about how i will die because it makes me freak out and cry.
8. for what in your life do you feel most grateful?
i feel most grateful for the fact that i have a few very important people who love me and want me to do well like my boyfriend and my best friend and my sisters.
9. if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
i would replace my parents with non-scary regular people and also umm recommend that i see a mental professional very early.
10. if you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality, what would it be?
i would like to be a strong and resilient person who isn't scared and anxious about things.
11. if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
i would like to know what i'm doing wrong that makes me unhappy and what i do that makes other people unhappy with me.
12. is there something that you've dreamed about doing for a long time? why haven't you done it yet?
i've dreamed about skinning and preserving small game bones and fur from roadkill and i haven't done it because i never have a shovel and gloves and plastic bags whenever i pass by roadkill on the road or i get too scared of getting hit by a car while getting it.
13. what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
the greatest accomplishment of my life is probably learning how to use the subway. i used to be really scared of doing things in public alone like getting in vehicles that i can't stop or control.
14. what do you value most in a friendship?
i value transparency and honesty in a friendship, i get really nervous that people are lying to me so if somebody has a problem with me or if i upset them i want them to tell me. or if they are really happy with me i want to know because that makes me feel good.
15. what is your most treasured memory?
my most treasured memory is probably when i went to coney island beach with my boyfriend and we played on the beach even though we didnt have swimsuits or much money and i wasn't scared because i was with him and i didn't even care that i was getting a sunburn because we didn't have sunscreen.
16. what is your most terrible memory?
probably when my ex girlfriend did something terrible to me that i always think other people will do to me.
17. if you knew in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are living? why?
i would probably stop trying to go to school and travel and spend time with my friends. i would probably clean less and eat more and also cry a lot because im gonna die.
18. what does friendship mean to you?
friendship is when two people like to be around each other and do activities together and talk and hug.
19. what roles do love and affection play in your life?
love and affection are the most important things in my life i just want to be happy and feel loved.
20. complete this sentence: "i wish i had someone with whom i could share..."
i wish i had someone with whom i could share my love
21. share an embarrassing story.
today i backed my car into a pole. im sure that people saw it and im embarassed that i cant drive very well. i also stepped on the jordans of my boyfriend's best friend when i was very drunk in a club and he said that i was the only person who he would be okay with drunkenly stepping on his jordans but i still feel so bad i can't stop thinking about it.
22. when did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself?
i last cried in front of my boyfriend yesterday because we were talking about my eating disorder and i last cried by myself probably while watching something sad.
23. what, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
i think that anything can be a bit silly because terrible things happen but we all just live through them and live every day carrying them with us.
24. if you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
i dont think i would regret anything im very honest with the people in my life but i would like to tell my friends again that i love them and how much they mean to me.
25. your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. what would it be? why?
it would be my blankie because i need it to sleep. i like the way it smells and feels it relaxes me about things that are scary and new when nothing else does.