untitled poem (by me)

i told myself i was over you

i told myself i would stop caring so much

i told myself that it wasn’t worth all of the pain

i told myself that it was better now that we were apart

i told myself you would be happier without me

i told myself that i would find someone new

i told myself that someone would fall in love with me

that i would fall in love with them

i told myself people were going to start caring about me

but none of that ever happened

i still love you as much as i did a year ago

i still care about everything to do with you

i still care about what you think of me

i still care about how your day went

i still care about how you feel mentally

i still care about how you feel physically

i still care about all your favorite musicians

i still care about your favorite movies

i still care about your favorite shows

i still care about our anniversaries

i still care about your opinions

i still care about you

the pain all of these immortal feelings cause

i still think it’s worth it

i still think that having emotional breakdowns on a weekly basis is ever so better than losing you

i still think that if i keep trying to pull you back in

you’ll eventually find your way back into my arms

it isn’t better now that we’re apart

it isn’t better for you or me

it isn’t better now that you have a boyfriend

it isn’t better now that your special boy is an unloyal jerk

it isn’t better now that you’re off with someone who treats you horribly

it isn’t better now that i can’t be your special boy

it isn’t better now that i can’t be the one to make you feel good about yourself

it isn’t better now that i’m alone watching you fall for someone who could never deserve you

i didn’t find anyone new

i didn’t find someone who would care about me the way i did them

i didn’t find love

i didn’t find a way to move on from you

i didn’t find a way to stop loving you

i didn’t find a way to stop caring

i didn’t find a way to stop taking in all your pain

i didn’t find a way to be better

i didn’t find a way to be happy

i didn’t find a way to make people care about me

all because of you