[Journaling](Day 14) Running through my head

Week 2 is over.

For some reason, it went faster than I expected. Or, more accurately, I didn't see it passing by. Looking back, it doesn't feel like it's been another week. It has been, however. a lengthy and painful week, living through it.

I apologize for the breakdown, yesterday. I was a bit tired.

But I wasn't completely delusional, and I did say some accurate things.

I'll change the format. Focus less on my day and more on how I felt about it.

This blog is my only therapy as of yet, so I do what I can with what I have, and recounting my days won't fix a thing.

But still, in short.

I woke up with a slight fever and a sore throat. Might've caught a cold.
This morning, practical session. We were in the wrong room, and the couch wasn't accessible. What was, however, was the coffee machine. In under an hour, I had already gone and got myself a large one to survive the day. Sweet beverage of life.
This programming session was long and grueling, and I did not have a fun time.
So the sore throat from earlier came back right at me, and I was almost unable to speak for a large part of the day.
I kinda enjoyed it, to be frank. Not hearing myself, being surrounded by a quiet environment, and not having my voice reflecting back inside my head.
Didn't prevent me from getting disturbed but it was ever so slightly better. Oh well.
I pushed my last allowed changes to my project, and I passed 93% of the unit tests, where I could've passed 100. I once again fell short of my standards for myself. Needless to say, I didn't have a good time.

My sweater's inner left sleeve is stained with blood.

Grabbed a bite, and lollygagged around for a moment. I can't really recall what I did.

Then came maths, which was painful as all hell. 3 hours of math at this time of the week is not okay. I barely survived. I'm not getting shit from the classes. I know I'm staring failure in the eye.
I'm barely keeping my head above the water, there's a shark coming, and I'm not moving.
Will I make it through? I don't know.

Then came the prep for the Open Days. Cleaned a room, and set up some tables, nothing too interesting. Took me an hour overall.

By 1700 I was gone. Going home. Ruminating, beating myself up over stupid stuff and everyday failures.

Got home as fast as I could, put down my computer and all, and chilled then.

Started the new algorithmics homework, did a couple functions, and dropped it there. Will follow up later.

I played some games for the first time in 3 days. I may sound like an addict. I just needed to vent. Really.

Took a needed shower, and made myself a proper meal.

My arm hurts.

Tonight I redid my nails.

I learned how to say have a good weekend in ASL.

Today just brought me frustration.

And it is exhausted that I end this post.

Goodnight, lone reader. Hope your week went properly. 

Beside you I die to exist
And oh, as we fall down
The day bleeds the night out
Our nightmares are wonder-ful skies dreams in thunder - A Thousand Lives - The Murder Capital

Laporte, signing off. May you fare well.