Hi all, I just wanted to tell you that life is good right now. When I started this account back in October, I was in a rough head space. There have been times where I thought that I just couldn't pull myself out of the black hole that resided in my head. I felt my demons trying to take my soul away from me.
My lust for life had been ripped away from me. I always used to tell myself, "If there is no meaning to life, then that gives us a blank canvas to paint our own meaning," and yet I felt as though my paint brush and canvas had been taken away from me. For the first time, I felt like there truly was no meaning, no reason. I was a husk of who I truly am.
But there would be times, brief, passing moments where I felt my old self peek through the sludge. Those moments gave me hope. I knew I was still in there, somewhere, waiting to be found again. So, I started therapy. This was incredibly helpful for me. My therapist taught me I needed to create boundaries for myself. She allowed me to confront all my past trauma. She showed me what I needed to do to create a better life for myself.
Cut to 4 months later and with the help of my therapist, my beautiful girlfriend, and, most importantly, myself, I have started to accept myself for who I am (a fucking cool, hot, attractive nonbinary person), I have set boundaries (I'm living in my own apartment, like what??!! Still got boxes to unpack tho... :/), and I am investing in myself long term by cutting out social media, going to the gym, growing my hair out, and starting to walk the road to sobriety.
I feel good. I'm respecting my body and it's respecting me back. I know that there will be times when I feel like shit again, there will be times where I fail, and there will be times where I just don't want to participate in life. But I will get back up. I will dust myself off, and I will keep going. Because that's what makes life beautiful - The good AND the bad, together.