one week left (vent and possible ed tw)

one more week until i see the doctor again. atp i'm not really sure if i will actually end up seeing a specialist, because apparently my bloodwork came out fine and according to my mom all i have to work on is my weight

but then again, my mom doesn't actually believe me when i say i think i have an eating disorder and just thinks i'm being lazy (which is so dumb because even if i was lazy the fact that i let it get this bad is a point of concern anyways)

i'm really really trying to be positive about this but it's so hard when everyone BUT my family is actually supporting me on this, like my friends and their PARENTS agree that it's weird how my parents treat me like i'm stupid and lazy and completely doing this to myself and i'm really just reaching my breaking point

yesterday i overheard my mom telling my dad how she was talking about my issues to someone (i don't know who), and when they brought up the idea that i might be depressed or something she just lists off all of the stuff i've said i deal with (like how i don't eat that much, and how i say i can't handle more than a specific amount of food until i get nauseous, and then also adds on the lie that i skip multiple meals????? which is odd because the only meal i ever skip is breakfast and not like. all three everyday) and then proceeded to tell THEM that even though i say i think i have an eating disorder i'm just being lazy.

i've never felt this betrayed before

like it's one thing to tell ME that you think i'm being lazy but to go around telling other people my business and then telling them THAT??

are you fucking kidding me

i'm trying so hard to give them the benefit of the doubt because they're trying but i literally can't take this anymore i don't even want to be around them atp

it's only been one month since the last appointment and i've already gotten to the point where i want to kms this is ridiculous

anyways yahoo! doctor's appointment next week wish me luck