being chronically ill and working out : a mini rant

content warning: gross chronic illness stuff + mentions of weight 

this is going to be a bit of a rant, so this is your warning if you don't want to read all this LOL...

every once in a while i will try to get back into a good routine when it comes to working out or just being remotely active and everytime i am reminded why i fall out of the routine. there is so much pain involved with working out in almost every form (except for yoga and swimming, oddly enough) and it gets so overwehlming to deal with. no matter what i do there is so much nausea, stomach pain, cramping, dizziness, and so much more that i have to deal with just because i want to move my body and make an extra effort to be more healthy for myself and my mental well-being. 

thankfully, i don't sit around all day and i do walk quite a bit, my boyfriend and i go to a lot of little walkable towns on the weekends and things of the sort so i am definitely "getting my steps in" as all middle-aged moms with apple watches would say, but sometimes working out in a more literal sense just gets so hard because of my condiition.

I have an intestinal/bowel related chronic illness, and when i was diagnosed i never knew that almost every area of my life had been, could, and would be effected by it; it took me years to even see a doctor that would listen to me (afab in the united states healthcare system...) and now it feels like i'm only just beginning to learn about all of the different ways that being chronically ill has and has been really effecting my life. 

it feels like all of my options have been exhausted, all i can do it yoga pretty much but for some reason my brain says that that "doesn't count" when that is not at all true. have you seen those yoga moms? they're shredded!

anyways, that was my big chronic illness rant, i'm in the midst of a flare-up that started today so that doesn't help much either... wish me luck i guess! 

for anyone that read all the way through this: i love you and you are beautiful, working out does not define your worth, your health does not definie your worth, your weight does not define your worth! you are worthy, loveable, and precious just the way you are.