THERE ARE GHOSTS IN MY BEDROOM (NOT CLICKBAIT 100% REAL)

ok so there aren’t really any ghosts lol. i have hardly slept in the past couple months or so and if i do sleep i don’t feel rested afterwards plus i’ve had a headache that keeps returning since like 1/13 >:(  (i got hit in the head with a rock). Every night i tell my family that i’m going to sleep then i just come in my room, turn my light off, crawl into bed and stare at the ceiling. i don’t even respond to my friends during this time and i try to go to sleep i really do but no matter what i do i can’t help but lay here and think about all the things that could’ve been, have been, and will be.

i guess you could say that i’m stuck on things that happened in the past. but i don’t really see it that way. i see it more as me being worried about my future (or lack there of)

i’ve always had this fear that i would die alone and unhappy/unsatisfied with my life and recent events have done nothing but make this feeling stronger. i am anxious all the time. i fear that no one will ever truly love me because people have proved over and over again that they only love the thought of me and then once they have me i’m not enough anymore. i want more for myself than this constant feeling of dread that i’ll be alone once again and no feeling of happiness ever lasts. hopefully one day i will learn to not care sm about things i cannot control and be happy with the things i can control. it’s like the prayer for serenity “God , grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” i mean i don’t really believe in god that much but this prayer really makes you think about the things you should let effect your life.