Convenience store woman.

I am reading Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata. I think it’s very interesting. I usually put little tabs by the areas I’d like to go back to or just want to save for any number of other reasons, but I couldn’t seem to find them. Instead of getting frustrated, I decided to take this moment as an opportunity. I’ve always been afraid of annotating regular books with pen or highlighter or any other things that can’t be undone. It gives me anxiety. I thought to myself now’s your chance Malia. It’s a small book. Good practice, overcome your fear. So I started highlighting sentences I liked and putting little brackets around paragraphs I thought were important, all the while fighting this internal battle with myself. A few pages in I broke out in a sweat and my face got red and hot thinking about what I’d just done. I was starting to panic a little bit. I want to undo it so badly. I’m never annotating another book again. I threw my highlighter across the room. I’m shaking typing this right now upset over what I’ve just done. I’m scared to pick up the book again because I’m going to think about the highlighted sections and it’s going to make me upset. 

To make things even worse, now that I’ve already highlighted areas it will look weird if the rest of the book isn’t highlighted. But I cant bring myself to highlight the rest of the book. It would bring me too much stress and my heart wouldn’t be in it. I think I’m going to cry I feel like I ruined a perfectly good book I’m so sad. And I was so excited about this book and now it makes me sad. It’s okay. Okay goodbye.