[Journaling](Day 8) You should eat a salad!

Day 8. This is it. Start of a new week of blogging. Shout out to my best pal for getting me in it. I still feel like a twat for mindlessly copying her idea, showing a notable lack of a distinct personality, but what can you do. I take what I can. Human mimetism and whatnot. As far as I don't follow her in whatever furry idea she has. I know you'll read this, but you haven't gotten to me yet! I'll need to drink a bit first to consider it. Ugh, I'm way too sober.

So, back on topic. Today was the typical Saturday. Didn't get out of the room at all. As I do. Woke up at 1300 after going to sleep at 0300, and I had a lot of missing sleep. Woke up, and got to my computer as always. Started the day by working on my math classes, after catching up on the world. I did my best, but I couldn't focus. I never can. I think this is the beginning of the end. Once I start lagging behind, there's not much to do. I got through this semester barely hanging by a thread, and I did not have a good time at all. Seeing the way things are going, I won't get much further. Feels like there are so many things on my mind, so many issues to solve, so many things I would like to do, and so many things I will have to handle eventually or I will completely begin losing it, and next to that there are the classes, and the school, and all of it. I'll get through this year. I'll pass this semester. But in which state I cannot say. The only thing I know is that it will not be good. At all. I never knew how to stop. I don't stick around out of bravery, determination, or stupidity, I'm only here because I am not allowed to fail. I never was.

Anyways, it is now around 15 as I get into a call with a pal from classes to work on my math. I struggle a lot with differential equations, but he was able to make it somewhat clearer. We have a math exam this Monday. With any luck, I get a passing grade. But I'll need a lot of said luck.
Even if I fail, it's not a disaster, I can get back. But nothing is certain.

After chatting for about 2 hours about math, I gave up at 1700. At this point, my feeble motivation was completely gone. Like, gone gone. Off the charts. To the moon gone. Probably not to come back. It's probably in the same place as all my lost socks, my attention span, and my few capable brain cells.
I got to working on my practicals for a couple hours, after fixing a broken git with some magic and above-average googling skills. Don't tell my pals.

At 1900 and some, I gave up working and started playing. A few rounds of War Thunder, a couple SplitGate games, the usual. And then, I've been on call ever since 2100, with some of my closest online pals. Chatting, playing Plants Versus Zombies, Tetris, Stalker, TBOI... a lot of fun overall. Had a nice time.

Almost didn't cut today, but I did get a couple. My arm's a bit sore, but that's not enough to deter me.

Ate about fuck all today. Breakfast at 1600, and a piece of bread at 2300. I'm not that hungry though.

Started packing up all the trash lying around in my flat, tomorrow I'll handle the rest.

I'm closer and closer to letting hell break loose. And by that, I mean letting myself break to pieces. Guess we'll just have to add another layer of concrete to the dam. Which is more concrete than it is dam. Bloody hell.

Been looking for proper mental health specialists in the area, despite my friend's warnings. But at least, I know that whatever I do I won't act on it. I guess it just makes me feel better about myself to pretend I am acting.

Fucking hell. I need a drink. Or two. Or three.

This day brought me about fuck all, to say the least, but a bit more pain on the outside and a lot more on the inside. I will survive, whatshername sang.

It is tired that I end this post. Haven't got a lot to say. Except for all I've said up there. Or maybe more. I don't know. I need some rest.

Tomorrow will be a pain.

Goodnight, Lone Reader. I hope you sleep well.

Are we waiting
For a savior?
I'm so sick of waiting
I've been waiting
My whole life - New Day, Karnivool

Laporte, Signing Off. See you soon.