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Category: Life

Am I On Your Mind? 5 (last one)

this is it. my story comes to an end ill no longer be writing about him anymore. we were going on for four months. but not anymore I guess. it all started Friday. he and my best friend always get into an argument. he said he wanted to talk in private and that's what he then he seemed really mad his voice wasn't shouting but loud enough to feel a bit uncomfortable. he wouldn't listen to me and kept cutting me off only talking about her, my best friend. he then told me we were done and sprinted away. it jabbed at me. like it really really hurt, equivalent to being hit by a bus. and to think he did it just because of her. like it was so easy for him to just do that... 

later that night my heart dropped to my stomach when I got multiple texts and calls which led to voicemails of him trying to explain himself. I listen to them and opened them all but never answered. I didn't want to talk to him. but he kept texting and I gave in a little as much as he hurt me I didn't want to hurt him. and I believe everyone deserves an answer. so I texted him telling him I wouldn't take him back. as much as I wanted to I know it was better. I slowly felt myself slipping from reality and started being distant from him before this.. and we weren't perfect. his mom hates me. so after that, he said he talked to her and said I was a walking red flag. that was funny to me but it's fine. I don't hate him. and believe it or not I still want to be with him but I know it's better to go different ways now. 

I just need to focus on myself. how can I love someone if I don't love myself? besides I wasn't enough I can't help him the way he needs. before writing this I told him our story would end. but ill write this last one just for him. a pain in my heart struck and a gulp in my throat stopped me from choking up but didn't stop the sting in my eyes as they slowly fill with warm tears I let a few drops go before wiping my them dry and pushing it all down. the hardest part of this is going to be trying to forget the times we laughed and shared our memories with on call. or the breakfast together...the hugs, the feelings, and that one time at the dance. it's all going to stick and that hurts like hell. 

i hope he has a good life. 

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