jeez, what a clusterfuck of a day.
today was pretty boring and felt like an emotional rollercoaster, i’ll get straight to the point.
this day was a pure void, no work, no classes! i just had to rot away in my bedroom eating, tinkering on my computer and… some other stuff.
besides that, i talked to her again and tried to comfort her for missing classes. i’m worried sick about her, i just hope her grades are gonna be okay and that it won’t affect her semester too much. she did give me hours of happiness like always :)
aside from her, i also talked to puppy again!! it was so excited to see me today and i felt likewise. its such a sweetheart, i dont know what else to say. it always has so much interesting stuff to talk about!
later on during the day ended up being shit, i was talking to puppy about suicide and it just ended up spiraling into something completely depressive. i realize that im a coward, i won’t ever attempt suicide again and it frustrates me that i won’t be able to join them out of fear. i mean, jeez, i have a real fucking bullet lodged in my head!!! since when did i lose this nonchalant attitude to suicide!?!???
i tried talking to her again while it was comforting me at the same time. it ended up working out, the both of them are so sweet. i love them. so much. i cant accurately measure the magnitude of my love for them.
the only thing i have to conclude for today is that i no longer care about my future - it’s doomed. i just want the present, i want to enjoy this life of queer nihilism while i still can.