ughhhh

my mums a little bit uhhhh

silly? wacky? LMAO HELP

idk how to describe it anymore

shes delusional, paranoid and thinks everyones coming 4 her and i nd stuff, ESPECIALLY when its like government ppl and schools - instutions and stuff lol

its getting in the way of everything, and im like her personal email writer and helper but yet she still thinks im wanting to not listen to her and go against her?? like i just want her to be happy and leave me alone but its still not good enough.

last year was horrible and i ran away one night because she went behind my back after all i did to try help her understand things that made her paranoid and why its ok, she one day takes my pc and like, if she did that now i wouldn't be as bad, but at the time my social anxiety was prominent and i didnt wanna go meet with my friends much because we were hanging around another group that i didnt rlly know well then. It scared me.  and so , i spent all my time doing things on here, playing games, speaking 2 people over calls and recording guitar. 

its hard for a kid to tell someone all their friends are in the computer.

i just wish she spoke to me beforehand

anyway - 

she seriously needs to talk to someone, get help. cps were going to take her away and tried to do so for a week straight. they failed and i put that to a halt because it was too much. 

thats j some of it but whatever

we argued as i was trying to help her, my temper goes so quickly now ive had enough but nope nothing i do can make her happy so it ends up getting worse for the both of us.

shes just told me that because shes apparently denied legal help from everywhere, shes stopping getting paid from the government and so we'll have to move out

like

that acc came from nowhere? excuse me what?

shes pulled this sorta thing on me before but now im kinda worried. what if shes not just trying to get me to "listen to whats really going on?"

everyone ive spoken to about whats happening agrees its fucked. she needs help. i needed help. im better now. i was bad. really bad

but 

at the time i couldnt get the help so i learnt to push it down and cope in different ways

like i dont feel overwhelmingly sad and in dread like i used to but its still haunting me and it comes out whenever something big happens. idk

lol epic B)

bye 4 today zz