round and round

The crying bouts came back. But now I think they've become worse. A few minutes ago I was just sitting in my chair scrolling through my phone when I suddenly had the urge to cry. So, I did. I knew I had to get stuff like that out of my system. The strange part for me was it just stopped. The feeling went away as quick as it came. It was weird.

I don't know if I should get checked up. I've been more anxious than usual. I'm fucking afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of meeting new people too. I'm finally gonna have my first onsite classes in three years but I don't even know how I feel about it. It's like my brain keeps rewiring. I'm scared. I'm excited. I'm afraid. I'm hopeful. I wanna do it. I just wanna stay at home. I want to meet new people. I don't want to be around people I don't know.

It's so tiring. It's not the first time this happened. But it's worse than a few years ago. I don't wanna cry every few hours in the bathroom. Not again. Not fucking again.