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Category: Life

Only have little hopes left..

TW:Ableism, Depression

Ever since September 2022, I felt like I had to mask myself, included part of my identity where I am autistic. Most of my classmates are 'lads' who talks about football and that sort of stuff. I don't have a issue having little to know interests with them, I have a issue that they used "autism" as a slur, even if they hadn't used that to me. Well thanks for reminded me that you hate autistics.

Just imagine having to hid what makes you, you to people and just hear them talk shit to the groups you are in. It hurts and I'm in this strange position where I'm too anxious to come out as autistic because of trauma from high-school or just trying to mask myself where I feel like I am lying to myself and I can't do it for much longer.

College used to be somewhat safe space for me, now it just trying to survive and trying to hold my emotions as I don't know if I told the 'labs' that they will their understand or care. I just want to feel like everybody else, feel like human and not having to hide lot about my self just for a sake of hoping I won't be harassed a lot.

I just hoping my college does something about it and are fully committed as I can't imagine me going there again for next year and then I had to figure out where to go from there.

3 Kudos


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