23/01/2023

i joined spacehey today because i saw myspace on tik tok and people were saying that this website looks a lot like it. i like it´s aesthetic. it gives me 2000´s vibes, even tho i wasn´t really there in the 2000´s.

i was thinking, i might start pursuing more of a scene/emo style. it´s pretty, it gives me nostalgia from my creepypasta phase and it´s cool. i think it´s because i  don´t want to look normal. i want to be the person that everybody looks at in the corridors. i don´t want to be a normal, quiet and unnimportant person, i want people to notice me, i want to be interesting. i´m too shy to completely dress scene or emo out of my house tho. but, i try to look more alt. still, i´m starting to not like my current style. i look too tik tok alt, like i´m just following the trend. i want to move out so i can dress like i want. i want to move to the usa, away from everyone i know. but i´m too young. i still have some long years in front of me.

i´ve also been reading some creepypasta fanfiction for the nostalgia, but i´m getting too much into it. i might enter my creepypasta phase again. it´s not a bad thing tho. that might be where my desire to dress scene came from too. i think i´ll write some fanfiction about it, i´ve been thinking about some good aus.

i now remembered about the song of healing from the legend of zelda. i tried to summon BEN with it reversed. oh, i still remember the fear that something would appear behind me, that he would enter my room in the night and kill me. i´m trembling a bit while writing this. i was thinking of going to listen to the song of healing to see if if i listen to it i´ll stop trembling. i think i´m trembling because i´m still afraid. i remember bits of the song, it´s scary, but here i go. 

the next paragraph is how it went, my heart is beating faster. holy shit wish me luck.

 i seriously looked at the end of the corridor, mid song, and swear i saw something. but it was so blurry i know it´s just my eyes.

it started scary, the part i remembered, i was feeling adrenaline everywhere and my hands stopped trembling. but then the song got to the end and i think i really like it, it´s beautiful. i think i´m still afraid tho, i keep glancing at the corridor lol. 

i am afraid. i was thinking of writing "sorry BEN" at the end of this, but i don´t know if i will or not. you´ll see.

yeah. nope. nope. nope. i´m fucking afraid. sorry BEN.