/:

there's some part of me that knows that many people thinks its cringy to relate to sad edits and that i'd probobly be a 'fake depressed kid' according to someone.  the edits titled "depression" and "dying alone". but part of me thinks, why is it cringy to have emotions. and then i think, because some people are faking it for attention, which is so shitty. but then i don't want people thinking that they're faking it even when they're not. 

as this bojack horseman edit i'm watching right now says, "if i knew what i knew now, [my idea of ending my life] probobly wouldn't have changed much. and it probobly wouldn't have changed much because it dosen't really matter what you know, what you feel takes over."

i'm not even that sad. i think i'm just reflecting on the part of me that has passed. i don't even know if looking back is good for me- you cant expect your bad memories to never come back, especially if you don't look at them and work through them. but i don't want to dwell on something that put me in such a bad place. how much time should i spend on what's passed?