School is... hard

Just posting a little "rant" as I won't do that on other social medias (i hope I'm doing this right as I joined this site yesterday LOL, also english is not my first language and i will most definitely make mistakes. Don't take this as a cry for help or something, it's just some thoughts that I would like to put into words) 

So... I attend a very difficult school. It's one of the top scientific high schools in my country - heck, there are so many smart people even inside of my class! - Everytime I tell someone in my city that I attend this school, they look at me as if I'm crazy and wanna waste my life (common stereotype, sadly, but when I say that school takes ¾ of my daily life away, I'm serious. I'm not much of a social butterfly anyway) 

 Now, I chose this school 3 years ago, and have never failed one single class (although I had a lot of trouble in certain subjects). I'm very happy and grateful to be studying here and I'm pretty sure I will have no problem choosing career paths, but it's NOT that easy. The thing that bothers me the most is how mentally draining it can be to achieve high grades here (I'm talking 8/10 average - Italian grades system is in decimals). Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be the problem for most of my classmates, since I attend the computer science "branch" of the school and the people here are extremely smart. 

I can spend hours on notes, books, and exercise sheets but dude from the desk next to me™️ can ace the test with just an hour of studying. And it's not just him, it's pretty much everybody! I learnt from my standard-scientific-branch friend that it's not like this for every class... but it puts me in a position where I'm NEVER happy about my grades. I always wonder if I am worth enough. 

This year we are changing a lot of stuff  (new subjects, new tearches etc), and maybe it's just my perspective of things.

Also, PRESSURE!!! Yesterday i made a mistake in my computer science test (a very small one, but it affected the whole program) and my teacher started joking about how it was not like me to do that. The day before I slept 5 hours to get through an history test. And my english teacher won't give us more than 9 if we do everything correctly in certain tests because "it was too easy".

I also saw people failing a lot of classes here, so i'm convinced I can pass it, but academic validation is something really dear to me (as I didn't exactly do well in middle school!) and that's pretty much the issue that's been bothering me for more than a year. 

TL;DR: I'm wasting more time than I should by studying stuff I won't even remember by tomorrow. But at least I'm learning something in a good way (probably)

Sooo that's it :"D thanks for reading i guess, and see you!