am i doomed?

tw for mentions about trauma and mental health and me sobbing about stupid stuff

i don't know how to have relationships. it feels like i can't be with someone longer than a few months. longer than a month is rare though. i feel like i am not doing anything right. i feel so emotionally attached to people and whenever they get my trust they break me immediately and i don't know anymore. i just want to be loved and feel like im not going to be abandoned but its impossible. everytime im left i feel myself going into a breakdown that can go on for months and months. i feel so clingy to my significant other that sometimes i feel bad that im making them uncomfortable. i feel like i can't be myself around people. i feel unsafe around people because people are scary and unpredictable. i feel ashamed in relationships because im HS even though i cant control it and it has derived from trauma. i feel like a monster because of my angry outbursts and tantrums and emotional meltdowns. i feel pathetic when i beg for someone to stay with me because im scared of being unable to connect with another person. people say i have bpd but i have yet to speak to a professional. others think im just incompatible to have a relationship. any relationship advice would be great. i just have a lot of attatchment issues and i just wish to have that forever person someday.