ableist ass mfs 2day

     Hello! I'm Decay/Alex I am a host in a DID system and we go to American highschool. We have multiple lifelong illnesses and disabilities. Such as IBD or POTs or the other problems with us they cannot figure out quite yet. Our health problems cause a slew of problems but for the sake of this storytime all you need to know is stairs [and rushing down the hallways] in our school hurt our legs massively, cause us to have zero energy [and when you're disabled like us that energy doesn't come back easily], not be able to breathe, feel like we are going to pass out, etc etc etc. Months ago, our school let us have an all-year lift pass. Whilst it makes it harder to get to classes at times because the lift is only on one side of the hall and doesn't negate what we do entirely, we are very thankful for this, and it has come as an absolute lifesaver.

     Now, obviously, we have to deal with harassment from our peers, disgusted looks from teachers and students alike, the whole shebang, all the regular stuff, but sometimes stuff happens we just cannot let go. Today happened like that.

     We have 6th period lunch and there is this old ass hall monitor there, I do not know him, and this is the only time of day I've ever seen him. I have a class on the 2nd floor after 7th period and he usually hops on with me. When I first saw him, he asked for my pass, which is a normal procedure.

When I went to show it to him, he said that's ok he doesn't have to see as long as I have it.

     As the months when on he started being more and more pissed about me just existing and gave me awful looks. Along with things here and there that were just really shitty.

     Today he stops me as I'm getting on the lift and says I don't belong there. He says my pass is expired. I say "No, it's an all-year pass." He gets pissy and again goes "No, I spoke to Mrs. [I have auditory processing issues, so I did not quite hear what he said but I assume it is the 504-plan lady.] and she said it is expired." Looking back this is an obvious lie, but I was so scared at this big man towering over me I just repeated that he was in fact wrong, it was all year. He said that she said, "you might have had some problems in the beginning of the year, but you don't now." and that I simply do not need the lift. This is again, bullshit because not only does he not know my name, but he also is not entitled to my medical history. Not to mention my health has done nothing but decline these past months. My medical problems are for life, there is no "It got better."

     Anyhow he then goes on to say he "sees me running through the hall," and that I obviously don't need it and that he has a cast on his leg, so he needs it, I am 'very obviously' well enough to take the stairs. 

     This may be true; I may dodge and weave through the crowd of people every day, but I maybe like speed walk a yard then basically get trampled. Sorry not everyone can be a tall asshole and not be trampled by upperclassmen. He went on to say that there are people who need this lift and that I am "taking" that away from them, which is so shitty to say, like I too don't like awkward lift rides, but that doesn't give him the right to sit over here and try and tell me to get off because of it. I DO need and belong on this lift, sorry not everyone can be visibly disabled. Like his cast was under his pants too, someone could easily say the same about you.

     I just kinda got on the lift after that and he followed and continued to berate me, I hardly even remember what was said I felt like I was gonna puke and tried to fish my letter out of my bag. He looked so mortified I got on after him yelling at me and when I got out, he just looked at me with such disgust and started pressing the 3rd floor button. I quickly got to my next class and tried not to sob. I don't even know why I would've, out of anxiety? Out of sadness? Anger? Who knows but I did when I got home. The last two periods were such hell after he did that.

     I emailed my councilor about it; I know my mum already spoke to the principal who was gonna speak to him but honestly, I don't care I just want to speak this out with my councilor. Which is gonna suck some because to be honest I don't know her, and adults terrify me. I wanted to see her directly after it happened, but I figured I'd have to make an appointment first.

Conc. Anyways this day was awful, and I hated it but at least it is over. I just wish I had a better memory, maybe I could've remembered this story better to log down.