2023 so far

It's so far into January. I had planned to leave everything behind at the end of January. I don't know if I should stay or if I should go. Nothing but the pride of my personal philosophy is keeping me Alive. Submission to admitting I am weak or unworthy of the corrupted world aches my soul right to the Core. I'm not a selfless person. I love my Brother, my dogs, my cats, my parents, and my friends. They are doing nothing wrong. I feel so confused in my mind every day and it's affecting me, a lot!. I don't know why I feel like multiple people throughout my day, I don't know why my mind shuts out memories causing me to really forget who I am. I'm depressed, hypo, anxious, and hopeful throughout my day with no reason for the emotion. There are episodes where I feel so goofy and unhinged yet so unintelligent. Then out of nowhere, I am civil and slick, aware of my surroundings thinking of random things like physics and solving world problems. I really need help I cant function :( I'll leave this here for now because I need to lie down. its 3:09am. I hope I get the help I really need.