headache head

and it crashes and crashes and crashes. i'm stuck in the woods, no map, no path home, definitely not one of those fancy $500 satellite walky-talkies. who can i talk to about it? everyone's hiring, but no one's hiring me. god i need a job, or at least to get out of college unscathed. my insides are copper, i'd kill to make them gold. or so it goes.