I Want a Bacon King With Fries So Bad Right Now It’s Actually Sad

Say whatever the fuck you want about Burger King, I fucking love their Bacon King burger so much. Not only is it larger than the average burger, I’ve noticed that only when I order a Bacon King that I am provided with an appropriate amount of Ketchup and mayonaise to consume the entire burger. I have also noticed that burger king is one of the few fast food joints who still put sesame seeds on their buns. Why on gods green earth would you EVER remove sesame seeds from a burger bun??? since the BEGINNING OF MOTHERFUCKING TIME burgers have consistently been two things: flame grilled, and delicately sprinkled with sesame seeds. It makes a world of difference to me, and I don’t know why anyone is settling for this. wake up America, they’re DE-SEEDING YOUR FUCKING BURGERS!!! If I can assure you of one thing, it’s that I will NEVER compromise on food that’s already shitty. I won’t deny that shit isn’t healthy, but by my father who art in heaven, the few items I like to order at these fast food places bring me closer to god. if it weren’t for the bacon king burger and their fries, Burger King would be NOTHING. Like a bug under the heels of 1000 vengeful fucking wizards. Their ranch is terrible, which would immediately strike any restaurant from my list in any other scenario, and the nuggets are sub-par. The quality of nuggets in America has been going down the fucking toilet and it’s simply unacceptable. Of course, I can just find somewhere that makes good battered chicken, or make my own. It’s simple. But honestly? Name one person who wants to do all that? ESPECIALLY When you are high off of your ass and can barely wiggle ur toes, much less cut chicken, batter, and fry it. It simply won’t do. And the whole appeal of Burger King is that it’s semi-affordable sometimes! My real favorite restaurants? Panera bread, choice greens, and subway. But do I look like I’m made of money? No. The fuck I don’t. It’s a gift from god itself whenever I step foot into any Panera bread. If I’m inside panera even for a second, I know I’m on the path to enlightenment. There is NOTHING in this world that will ever amount to the joy I feel while dipping a Turkey avocado blt into a bowl of cheddar broccoli soup with a chocolate croissant and a slice of baguette on the side. When I’m not eating panera, I am only wanting more panera. It’s an agonizing cycle and I’m shackled by my mortal desires.