vent / sad rant / existential rhetorical questions

do you ever question the purpose of life?
we work, to get money, to buy a house, food, clothes, pay bills..
why?
to live.
then, why live?
to work?
is it fun to work all your life away?
what people have told me the meaning of life is - to make long friendships, to help the world be a better place, to have fun.

do we actually end up doing that, though?
what's the point of friendships? to not be alone? but why do we care about companion so much?

what's the point of helping humanity, if they'll just all keep to their own motives, even if they're harmful? if we try to help nature, save sea creatures, and yet the majority of the population still uses plastic, is it really a change, or just an unfortunate attempt at one? what's the point of making laws, if people will all break them? making something illegal makes it harder to pull off, but never really impossible.

what's the point of "having fun"? "fun" is a subjective thing. if you have fun by traveling, you'll likely just have to work for years before even getting a chance to. if you have fun by watching movies, you're ruining your eyesight and if you keep watching them for too long, you'll get sore from not enough movement.

i can't understand how homeless people and millionaires coexist on this planet.

people need to stop being greedy. if they were to be ethical, no rich people would be rich anymore. i wish it was like that.

i wish everyone could live comfortably.

then again, why do we live?

i suppose everyone has a different answer, a goal perhaps.

i don't, really. i've questioned it for a long time, and i'm merely alive because society thinks it's how it's supposed to be.

has my life been "fun"?

i wouldn't say so.

people usually have families. one could say i have one, too.

maybe i do, but it feels moreso like i'm a mere citizen captured by two dictators who don't get along.

it's not fun.

you know what life is, for me?

weak bones that make cracking noises and chronically hurt that i haven't been able to get examined for years, digestion issues, constant social isolation, fear of going outside, loneliness, being too dependent on my singular friend to be happy, randomly becoming mute as people approach me, being homeschooled due to being bullied previously when i did go to school, inability to get a stable routine, and waiting months to see my psychologist again.

such a contrast, considering the past. i used to be happy, friends with all of my classmates, full of aspirations, healthy, and having fun with dolls, flash games, and walks in forests.

but then again.

it's been 8 years since i was last happy.

before the traumatizing series of events happened.