actual post yr later

it's both very weird and sooooooooo funny to come back to this site to blawg a little after like a year of jack shit bc my life is entirely different now. i have a job and more control over my life and my self than i rly ever have before. i also have less fucking chains on myself too. trying to spend time being more in the moment doing physical shit. i dont think anyone even rly reads these but if u do then like ok i dont care. it's really offputting to open this site and see a bunch of 15 year olds on here blogging i feel like i need to watch my damn mouth now that i know the tiktok crowd has invaded this place like parasites or whatever so cover your eyes if you read this. its so hard to not just view your entire physical existence as like a vehicle for sex when thats literally all its ever been before for so many ppl so trying to get into like decorating my room to be present in it for other reasons and DESPERATELY trying to draw without wanting to kill myself considering im the only one who even wants to fucking draw anymore is Sooooo hard. but Soon i can leave whenever i want and do fuck all. Just to have someone finally get thru to someone who has been resisting you for years and years and years and actually have it get thru that maybe Im actually ok and Right sometimes is insane. I dont know how i feel yet about everything besides kind of like wow ok. yea idk i dont have much more 2 say i probably do but i havent slept so byeeee

wait EDIT: every time i open a profile on here and see someone like 10 yrs younger than me with DID on their profile i start exploding and hitting shit can someone normal talk to me instead