6am july 1st

someone mentions cancer

and suddenly the air reeks

of 6 am july 1st,

you’ve been sobbing for hours

over a man you’ve never met

but you’ve watched since you were 12.

his time on this earth was too short

and you mourn a timeline, a possibility,

where you could have met him

and thanked him for keeping you here.

someone mentions cancer

and suddenly the air stinks

of that sinking feeling,

having lost something deep inside

you know you’ll never quite get back.

a sad, grateful smile graving your face

although you know 

you’ll never look at crowns 

the same way again.