1/3/23 - it's not the same as it was

I'm sitting here laying on air mattress at my friends' apartment, with my first real chance to look back at the past year of my life. I'm also listening to a playlist of the biggest songs of last year. 2022 felt like the first year in a while where I was really in tune with pop music, which was pretty cool. There was a lot of great stuff this year, even if a lot of it was technically from the year before. 

I got to do a ton of cool things last year. Lots of amazing new experiences, new friends, old friends made closer, big purchases, big moments, etc. I really loved it. The year wasn't perfect but I'm very happy with it and where things have led me to. I'm a little burnt out, I want some long term time alone to do nothing soon. But overall, right now I am happy.

I want to go down my year and try to make some sort of list of the things I've done, but that would take far too long for me right now. Music is a very magical thing, and I think I realized earlier which emotion I think brings me the most joy in music: nostalgia. Even short term, or if a song just has the general vibe of nostalgia, it can make me feel very connected to the song. Listening to As it Was by Harry Styles, and just really thinking of the concert I attended last summer and the year I associate that song with, it already makes me feel nostalgic. That's an odd thing I know, but it's a very cozy feeling. It's also a little scary. Time only moves forwards, the only thing I can do is make sure my present is as good as it can be. I can long for things in the past but they will never return. But the memories and the feelings remain, and sometimes I can be reminded of how good it felt in that time while still moving forward as a person.

2022 was a year of social growth. I have a lot of friends finally, and I'm very happy for it. I've done a lot of personal growth from roughly 2019 to 2021 that brought me to this point, and it almost feels like it's paying off. I hope things only get better from here. And I hope that as much as I will continue to long for the memorable moments of my past, I will keep carving out a promising and fulfilling future for myself that I will also long for even further into my future.

Love and Mercy,

theangel