diary 5 - guilt on sympathy

01.02.22

currently writing my college essay. ugh. i used to feel so guilty talking about my leg. I refused to write my essay about it originally because it just made me feel so uncomfortable, it made me think i was milking it for sympathy and attention.

but its not.

these things actually happened to me, and it affected my schooling, and i should talk about it. its a challenge in my life that i am constantly overcoming.

but i felt ashamed about myself and felt like a failure, but really i should be proud of myself. i failed all my classes sophmore year, and i was depressed and miserable and i thought i wouldn't amount to anything, but then came junior year, and i still felt depressed and miserable but i pulled through. i got my average up to a 95 while taking two AP classes and another college credit course, along with trig and chem. AND i missed a month due to injury. hello?? i pulled myself up by my bootstraps and accomplished all that while feeling like shit and playing catch up from my absences. i was so embarrassed of my grades but FUCK THAT. I should be proud of myself.

and you know what? i have a right to milk it!! i experience bad shit and if it helps me get admitted or get a scholarship i have a right to milk it for all its got!!

anyway, yeah. my app for William N Mary is due tonight, and i think i'm just gonna submit all mine for furman, gettysburg, centre, and hobart tonight too. then i'm thinking of looking at colleges more colleges abroad :) just to make this process more fun, i'm already starting my app for st. andrews.

i feel stressed and like shit, 2023 already kicking my ass. lol.

regardless.

signing off :3