still alive, still homeless. life is shit

my cat Cinnamon went missing. she lives at my friends place and last night she escaped out the front door and still hasn't come back. she usually goes out for a roam there and comes right back but i'm really worried. i miss her so much. i miss my baby. my mental health has spiralled so low these past 2 months. i relapsed into my ED and i have officially nothing to live for. i bleached my hair and cut it and it looks like shit but i have a bleached mohawk now. can't posts pics cuz i'm on my phone rn. can't be fucked to charge my laptop. my family treats me horribly and i want nothing more than to die. but i've missed you guys, all the people that cared about me when i didn't care about myself. you guys give me some pinch of hope for the future. might try to get drunk tonight to kick off the new year like last year. can't wait for that (not really)

i don't know about anything anymore. don't know how to feel, don't know what to do. it doesn't feel worth it. i'm tired.