super emo ranty rant

There's a lot in my head. I'm so exhausted. My body is constantly aching. I sleep, but it's not enough. We fucking work. We do the important, stupid chores. I try to be good to my partner. It's too fucking much. We need a REAL BED. A real space for our fucking tired bodies to come back to from work or play TO ACTUALLY REST. I hate going into my job and being so fucking nice even though I just want to cry; deeply and for hours. I want a shower. One I can use ANY TIME. I miss having a toilet that isn't in a business. Pissing on a bush or in a dark corner is only fun if you're stone drunk and going HOME to a BED to SLEEP. Ravyn did so much for our Pussy Wagon (aka Blue Pearl) to feel cozy as possible. The mattress topper with 6 blankets really is comfy but once the memory foam is flattened with our sleep, our fucking 30 year old bones A C H E. Did I mention I miss having a bathroom? I know I did. Full body wipes are great. I've come to love them now. But nothing beats an honest to Glob, hot water shower. We've had to dip so much into that 1k we got back that we have got to basically start over. We're so fucking tired. We want to fucking peace out from this existence. Our friends have fucking BLESSED us. Have BEEN blessing us. Be it financially or by letting us get a goddamn shower here & there, we have incredible people in our lives. I wanna cry and pout and be the biggest brat every day. I just want to sink into my phone and disappear from everyone in my own little Palm Sized World. There are days I am so sick of fucking talking. I used to love going to work and now it's just so fucking irritating to my very core. Because not only do I have to fake it for the customers who are just tryin to eat, I have to make it so I'm not all goddamn Woe Is Me to my coworkers. Who are all goddamn teenagers. They've got hopes and shit & I'm a 30 fucking year old Burrito Roller (Burrista). 2022 has been an awful fucking year, for MULTITUDES of reasons.. but the goddamn cherry on this mothercunt of a year is this homelessness. We could have legitimately gone through EVERYTHING we have this year, without this goddamn bullshit being our everyday life for the last of it. I want to disappear, just fucking vanish. I want to be mist.