decembrs silly little life update

I kept putting off a life update bc i figured i shld jus make one at the end of the month buuuuut I've 4gotten most of this month lolz

uhh I finished this semester towards the start of the month, but I def have to redo shit over a break bc last semester was "fling yrself off a building" material
at least i lived to the end of it yippee

my bday was on the 16th and i got son boy (if u saw the bulletin frm then u know) he's a lil dragon and i love him alot

i felt kinda like? sad n empty at the end of it tho, dk why 
mentaw iwwness most likely
everything i was supposed to do this month (doctor n therapist) didn't happen n tbh part of me feels like it shouldn't have anyway

i shouldn't get better

Christmas was cool even though i was still kinda numb and stuff

my grandparents got me a letter/calligraphy kit and I've been practicing using the pens (and writing in cursive lolz) and my parents got me the dinosaurchestra vinyl (huge yippee) as well as a coraline doll/figure

a couple days ago me, my siblings, and dad went to goodwill and found a furby and cassette player so that was really cool

umm. here's the common alex L where i confirm that i started feeling fine and then got worse again. everything is kind of weird rn, i feel empty yet somehow angry and i want to punch somebody or maybe clone myself and like beat the shit out of him/me
idk, i dont feel anything but i also feel like being the worst person on the planet
I've felt this way before, where i wanted to make everyone hate me and entirely isolate myself, but i haven't actually said/done anything rude until now. Ill probably hate myself for what I've said once I'm like... idk myself again. i kinda hate myself rn but ill like actually be upset later.

i might just force myself into a hypersexual phase or text my ex or something just to feel anything
was considering talking to older guys on the internet for attention but I'm still like ew abt tht

idk well see how i ruin my life