Last Christmas

Since last Christmas, I've lost so much. I've lost most of my friends, the little spark of hope, any spiritual belief as little as hope or faith. Since last Christmas, I've accepted that I'm not a likable person to befriend. I've let my friends down my building walls to secure my mind not being considerate for being there for them as well. I've lost the bond I had with my mother, maybe it being the decisions I've made this year. My options were very limited and I needed help, it was more of a last resort. Since last Christmas, the burden I carry has multiplied. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I'm such a disappointment. I'm an embarrassment. Every day I wish I were dead. It would be better for everyone and myself. Even if things were to change, I wouldn't deserve it.