You ruined the woods

*TW: sexual assault*

My tent and sleeping bag haven't left the closet in five years

The backpack that once was in the van

Now sits idly on a shelf 

It was painful. 

It was scary. 

You took everything that summer. 

The woods which once kept me safe 

Are now haunted by my screams. 

Heavy blankets under my body

You between my legs I'll bet I even bled. 

You asked if you should stop, but without a proper reason you never stopped

Never faltered

Never even gave me a chance to scream. 

Parent not even a two hundred feet away

Didn't hear my pain. 

Next it was your messy bedroom 

Battery operated and huge

Going slow makes it hurt more you said

But that wasn't true. 

You got off on my terror. 

My pain. 

My screaming. 

Even with your family there

They knew it was wrong. 

I was just a KID. 

You were almost an adult. 

Still you're in my head. 

Sometimes the abuse, the control, I miss it. 

But not for the reasons you expect. 

It hurt so bad. 

But I didn't even know at the time

I didn't know the term was sexual assault. 

Rape. 

I didn't know. 

I had no clue it was so bad

Not until school started

I was told by several people what it was 

Didn't wanna believe it could happen to me

But I accepted it. 

I told the cops. They took me out of class to chat. 

Recorded it all.

I didn't know it was sexual assault. 

Sure as hell didn't think you'd get away with it. 

Still you haunt my dreams.

You ruined the woods. 

The smell of fire is still nice

But I can't even look at a tent now. 

That summer

You took EVERYTHING from me.