dec 18, 2022 12:34 pm

finally getting around to write something. my last blog entry was exactly 2 months ago will definitely try to be more consistent for the new year, i find handwriting in journals to be more exhausting and i want to chronicle one year of my life so hoping i won't forget.

ive been at my "new" job for about 3 months? sometimes i find myself sitting amongst my class of 3yr olds and think about how i would have never imagined myself to be in this position. most of them are great kids but just talk too much lol. a few weeks ago, a new kid was added and on his first day he already started to hit me. he kept the aggressive behavior up for the next 3 days so he was suspended. last i heard, mom took this seriously, he is seeing an ABA therapist and mom is implementing our routine at home so when he comes back he hopefully will adjust better. the work environment is a bit toxic as the director of the learning center takes the job and her interactions with employees too personal. i don't know how to explain without doing a whole story time but trust me lol.

my ex's birthday was last month, i did not contact him to say happy birthday or anything. everyday keeps getting easier, i cant believe its been 9 months since we broke up. 5 months since we last spoke/seen each other. but i am glad. i'm glad to let go and realize my worth. i saw the "friend" who escalated our falling out after the breakup a couple of weeks ago. she works at the mall and my mom pointed her out, i swiftly turned around and hoped she didnt see me. even if she did, she did not contact me either. i feel free. 

i saw paramore last month as well and got barricade :) paramore has been my favorite band since i was about 9 years old. being so up close was amazing, i wish i could live in that memory. next month im going to see nflying, a kpop band, and im super excited! im not as big into kpop but the groups/bands i listened to will always have a soft spot in my heart.

lately ive been feeling a bit dejected in terms of my social circle, or lack thereof. i honestly have 1 friend here at home so i rely on her a lot to be able to go out to events and have fun nights. which i understand can be overwhelming and sometimes annoying im sure if you have a friend who counts on you to have a good time with when sometimes you might just want to hang out at home or just have dinner and call it a night. which is why i dont really reach out to her as much to ask if shes free on weekends. it just sucks bc im finding out about all these alternative events (goth/punk friendly) and im dying to go but i know better than to go out at night by myself especially in unfamiliar places. its hard being in that phase where you want to celebrate your 20s but have no one to do it with.

on a final note, no im not talking to anyone. ive been on 2 dates so far, each a different person. 1 kiss and thats it. i realized a while ago im enjoying being single and not actively pursuing someone or the idea of someone. i still keep the dating app and chat with people occasionally but its always i get bored of them or they stop responding to me. i still have some of my matches who i spoke to for a couple of weeks, reacting to my ig stories. i find that weird lol. but i am finding a better place. i will be okay :)