dear god(!!TW for su!c!de)

So i just prevented my S/O from killing himself. I've just now noticed how bad my mental health has gotten. I'm a people pleaser and I try my hardest to help anyone even if their a stranger on the internet. I haven't been eating properly and even sometimes I've starved myself BCS of my self-consciousness over my weight. I wanna get better but my parents won't get me therapy. I've considered getting a job and paying for my own therapy but my parents keep telling me I'm to stupid to work anywhere. I know what it's like to have money issues and I know the struggle of choosing someone over another. I've been broken beyond repair and I can't take it. It's been so bad to the point of I had a blade on my wrist 2 seconds from offing myself. I might come off as someone who is very open but I'm like insanely shy in real life. Can anyone relate to this?