End

I've come to terms with the pain. Whether it is fate, punishment, control or just maybe I suck at life. I accept that I'm not special, destined, or deserving. I can't burden myself or anyone else any longer. I used to believe everything happens for a reason. Was I just being Naive or Ignorant? Am I taught this only to hang around enduring more suffering? But it's fine as long as I'm "still here". I'm suffering. I'm drowning every day and there's nothing I've done or can do to change that but make things worse. This constant Cacophony of pain and anger is eating my soul, and so is every second of being here. 

One night. Just one night. A night out to forget. A night of dancing, music, and drugs. Full escapism of reality. Then I will be ready for the End.