Toxic Friendship

Understanding that half the people you've labeled as friends were toxic for you all along. You clung to them the moment you could because you were desperate for friends. So you laid down and you became a doormat. Anytime a friend would say something mean or derogatory towards you, you'd just brush it off because surely they must be joking. And surely they're only saying it because they're upset themselves and they'll apologize later. But the thing is, the apology never comes and the behavior never stops. You start feeling like every time you're upset, you're overreacting and that they have it so much worse and they just proceed to send you message after message, undermining every single thing you're feeling, invalidating every hint of sadness, frustration, and stress. By the time they're done, you start thinking it really is you; that somethings wrong with you and that you're too sensitive. But it's not because emotions and stressor manifest differently in each person and it takes someone else looking from the outside in for you to realize that and it fucking sucks. It sucks because you were friends for years and you wasted so much time being affected by their negativity that it stunted your growth for years. They don't know how to live without that negativity in their own lives and it's draining. It's exhausting because you spent so long trying to be their pillar for what? For nothing. Because in the end, they didn't want to be better. They cling to that negativity like a second skin, not knowing who they are without it. And you know what? Sometimes long friendships like this, weren't truly meant to last. Distance is needed and sometimes breaking up altogether is a must.  In the end, your happiness and your growth are so much more important. And there will always be other people to surround yourself with that will have your back and be the kind of person that grows with you, not against you.