Hating others

It doesn't make any sense that I'm starting to hate them all, my boyfriend is sweet but I can't shake the feeling he'll leave. For my best friend at that, it hurts and I know they're hurting right now, so what if they seek comfort in him? They have a mood disorder so what if this is the most logical solution for them, and my boyfriends too sweet, he'll probably think I'll be fine with it like that scrawny bitch was. Maybe I'm the problem, maybe I wasn't ready for this? Like, I've relapsed and that shouldn't happen under good circumstances...

Then we have the doctors appointment, thats a good thing right? Even though my mother would think otherwise, I might actually get the meds I need. Instead of buying them from a mutual friend I can be prescribed them, and maybe my teacher won't be so disappointed in me and what I've become. Idk. 

Idk why I started this blog tbh, maybe to feel the rush of others looking at my work does it for me, because I have a journal that lets even more out than this, but id rather not share with reddit, because they'd just tell me my boyfriend is a cheating arsehole, and my bestie is a traitor, which I don't want to hear. Tumblr will probably just self diagnose me with shit I don't need, and tiktok will just either ignore me, or attract the worst types of men imaginable. so I'll do this for now, keep track of my progression, or depression at this rate.