Crush

I always knew I'd be the type to fall fast and fall hard.  I just assumed it would be with someone I already knew.  I don't think I could have ever predicted gaining a massive crush on someone I've seen a total of maybe three times.  But somehow from those three interactions my mind has been riddled with thoughts of him. 

At first, my reaction was frustration and anger.  I couldn't figure out why I would get so giddy and smiley when I'd see him.  Why I could never seem to look him in the eye.  Or why I was suddenly so flustered and unable to speak.  The confusion didn't last long and I was able to put two and two together.  But that only made me more frustrated.  Since now I didn't understand why him?

WHY HIM? I don't even know his name.  Let alone anything else about him.  HE'S SO PRETTY!  My brain screams.  I'm doodling in my sketchbook because his face is the only thing I can see.  I sometimes wonder if I subconsciously designed my OC to look like him.  That worries me.

I sometimes will let myself indulge in a fantasy.  Will I ever run into him again?  Probably not.  I need to let go.  This is ridiculous.  I imagine him recognizing me.  I would be shocked of course, I'm not memorable.  Of course, he would say, you're the one who dances while waiting in line.  He would say that he was always curious about what I would listen to and I would offer to send him my playlist.  And we would just... hit it off.  But that would never happen.

Someone should have told me that crushes were hard.  Maybe then I wouldn't have begged God so hard to let me know what it felt like to be so infatuated with someone they take over your brain.  But then again... I always knew I'd be the type to fall fast and fall hard.