chronic pain shenanigans

i love it sm when ppl overreact and make a big deal when I ask them to help me with something ^0^ i LOVE LOVE LOVE IT when i ask someone to please grab me a charger from the front of the class and they make a really big deal about it, going on how it would be soooo embarrassing for them, a 17 year old extrovert, to walk up to the front of the class and get me a fucking charger. so i have to walk up and get it myself even though im in a lot of fucking pain right now.

"Omg like, what if the teacher sees me haha omg nooo look he has a camera out and its taller than meee!!! omg im so smol UwU" youre fucking pathetic. and a piece of shit. how fucking obtuse do you have to be to see me, with my whole ass leg brace on, elevated on chair, have been talking ab how i had to miss school bc of the pain, and think, "Yeah, my life is so fucking hard. walking up to the front of the class is sooo much work, so even though someone else asked me for help I am going to completely ignore their needs and limits and be a selfish asshole. LOOK AT MY CUTE SOCIAL ANXIETY UWU that i didnt develop until 2 seconds ago so i can avoid getting off my fat ass and walking 5 feet to help a cripple."

or i ask my sister to please turn on the lights in the living room, and shes like, "sure" and fucking stands in the kitchen for another 5 minutes. so im like "wtf. turn on the lights what the hell is taking so long?" (its literally fucking pitch black) and shes like"OMG WHY ARE YOU SO SNAPPY :( I'm just getting a snack first to save trips!" save trips?? are you fucking kidding me? you feel NO PAIN walking. walking is literally as easy for you as breathing, you have absolutely no reason why you cant walk a few feet into the living room, turn on the lights for me, and then walk back. IT LITERALLY CAUSES YOU NO PAIN?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? fuck you. i used to never think about it like that but it literally doesnt cause these people any pain at all!! like they can just stand up and its so fucking easy. she could even sprint over to me and turn on the lights, do jumping jacks, and go back to the kitchen and feel no fucking pain. at all.

i know why i do everything thinking about how many trips i can save, because it causes me physical pain every time im on my feet, so then, why would an abled person need to save trips? laziness. it costs them nothing. abled people are just so fucking lazy.

like you know what? fuck you. i hate people who cant think outside of themselves. i hate people who cant help but ignore the people around them and refuse to be a considerate person. if you were a decent person you would have offered. you would have offered to get me a chair to rest my leg. you would have offered to get me a calculator, or help me to class, or take my laundry basket down the stairs for me, or go up to my room for me and grab a book. but no one fucking does. and before i treated that as the norm. "why would someone offer me an icepack?" or "why should i ask someone to do something else for me and put them out? why should i bother them? i can technically walk so i should do it" but the truth is these people dont have fucking chronic pain. walking up to get a charger doesnt injure them, it doesnt cause them pain, hell they dont feel any aching at all!!! and im sick and fucking tired of them acting like they do.

i went in to work 2 times this week, 2 times last week, and 2 times the week before even though i should not have been going at all, but i couldnt find anyone to cover my shifts, even after explaining how difficult it was for me to work! and its not because they're going through the same things i am. its not because they, like me, are trying their hardest to help others and be considerate as far as they possibly can before they physically are in too much pain. they aren't like me at all. they're just fucking lazy.

theyre so fucking lazy.