my daily life

Today was the same as it was yesterday and the day before... you ever been in a relationship and only think that you are together because there is no where else to go.. The times i wanted to leave and just cant make it happen because i think about the kids emotions. 
Ive been depressed on the daily and it hasnt been really fun for me.. I get yelled at because i spend a lot of time at the bar to get away from those thoughts but when im home its like shes always on her computer doing her own thing.. i dont remember the last time we actually enjoyed a movie together or have a family night or even gone out to do something. Nor is she interested. Yet im always attacked or have all my socials being watched or her going through my phones or computers when im not at home.. i dont do that to her and its not like im hiding anything. Hell we dont even have photos of us together because she wont take any.. its been like 8 years now. I am not saying that i was a good guy the entire time and she has trust issues... but its like why am i still here stressing my self out on the daily trying to think if this is gonna keep working like this.. or wait until my lease is up to go our own separate ways. My kids mental health comes first and they will always be top priority. but even if i live this lie for the kids.. ill never be happy. 

Has anyone been through this kind of thing?