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I had trouble sleeping the other night (as did the boy) so my mind began to wander, as it often does. So I started thinking about a dance I went to in high school and how one person turned my nightmare into a fun evening.
It was the beginning of the school year when I was 15 or 16, so we're looking back to September 2003 or 2004 here. I worked a summer camp that ran out of the local high school (not where I went) and one of my fellow counselors (who also didn't go there) said "hey here's a thing." His actual invite started with "you like to party?" to which I lied and said yes. I figured if I got really uncomfortable at the dance, I could at least be back home in a few minutes. So off I went.
I should point out that I did attend some school dances in eighth grade and I did have fun. But at least at those I knew some people. In this case, I knew one person who would be there for sure. And it was a small town, so I figured I'd know a few people in attendance. But there would be a lot of people in the room I did not know. And I knew that I wouldn't be spending a ton of time with my friend who invited me, because he was much more of a social person than I could ever be. Why did I say yes to this?
So my anxiety was through the roof before I even got to the building. I do remember having to step out not long after I got there because I was overwhelmed and unsure of what to do. When I stepped back in, I ran into a dear friend who I had not seen in a number of years at that point. That was an unexpected and wonderful surprise and it really helped at that moment. (We hadn't seen each other in so long that she was completely shocked at how tall I was and how deep my voice was.)
After that chance meeting, I found my friend - and he was of course surrounded by a posse. That helped for a bit, because at least I could chat with someone. But we soon separated and the room was almost too much again.
But then there she was.
I did not know this girl. I don't recall how we ended up next to each other. I'm not even sure we exchanged names. All I really remember about her is that she had blonde hair and was wearing an aqua-colored top. But a song started and she asked me to dance, so I did. If you don't know, I'm not what anyone would call graceful. Now here I was dancing with a stranger, surrounded by strangers, wondering how long it would be before I humiliated myself. For the third time that night, being there was almost too much. I feel like she sensed this, because she put her hand on my shoulder and said "here, I'll show you what I'm doing so you can keep up." She taught me some steps and I did the best I could.
I don't know that we were together for very long, but I remember having a wonderful conversation with her. We talked about school, music, putting yourself out there - really dove into it during some slower songs. It was around this time in my life when I really started blogging and writing music. She was nervous about teaching herself piano and sharing videos of her progress. I told her that I was just putting out the worst material but not telling anyone. At least if it wasn't just sitting in my brain, it was good enough. She told me that I was much more fun to be around than I thought I was, and that I shouldn't be so timid. I was sure she was just being nice, but that was good to hear at the time.
At some point we separated and didn't find each other again. I don't know if she went home early or got tired of me, or if we just kept missing each other. But I am a bit sad that we didn't become friends - and that I didn't get to say goodbye. Every once in a while I remember this night fondly. I didn't have any romantic feelings about her or anything like that, nor do I now. It was just nice that she saw I was uncomfortable and did what she could to put me at ease. What a lovely human.
I never saw her again. I never learned her name. Hell, I'm not even sure I would recognize her even if I did see her (it's been two decades). But if she's out there and she ever reads this? I would like to thank her for helping a terrified kid overcome some fears that night. I stepped way out of my comfort zone and ended up having a wonderful experience, and she is one hundred percent responsible for that.
So wherever - and whoever - you are, thank you. I will never forget your kindness.
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