#1 (again)

hi I'm redoing my blog thing because. Because I feel like it.. I meant to like a week ago but I. am lazy.

I am going to talk about this week AND last week .. and other stuff :3

last week ..

honestly I don't remember much .. just Monday and Friday ..ok Monday was the worst day i'v had at school it was the worst umm I kept getting triggered and triggering myself I don't even remember why and I cried in front of my gf and it was embarrassing and NOT cool.. that's all I remember besides Friday.. which was the BEST day ever actually. I tried so hard to not go to school because I could not do it I did not want to and gf skipped with me. . and then she came over .. and we watched breaking and and then we made the WORST peanut butter jelly sandwiches in the world (I lied.  only I made them and they were awful but its okay) and then we walked on the railroad tracks near my neighborhood and had a picnic in the ditch thing and it was great.. . and then we hung out over a bridge that was over a road and it was so awesome. then we went home and got beat up very badly by my brother. Epic.

this week + Saturday..

and then the next day ,, my dad was being really weird about me going to my girlfriend's all week because he didn't want us to do STUFF (he doesn't know we're dating he just did that to be weird I think.) anywho last minute he said I could go so I did and I slept over and it was AWESSOMMEE we just cuddled and stuff the whole time it was cool. Uhh.. this week has been weird so far. not looking forward to exams...

venting kinda..

my issues with dissociation and everything has gotten like 10x worse and I don't know why and my dissociative amnesia has gotten sooo much worse I literally can't remember about anything and I'm feeling even LESS emotions than before which I didn't think was possible... and people keep talking to me and I'm just like. Wow awesome. I'm not even here. it is annoying.. I must seem so disinterested and rude.. earlier a dude was talking to me while I was drawing and it was a cool guy a real cool guy but I didn't know he was until he was like Okay. and left and I wanted to kill myself wtf I wish it didn't take me so long to process whats happening!! oh my goddd!!! I think it's because I've been getting a lot more triggered lately like it was sooo easy for me to be triggered for some reason it was so random. and I mean I still am but less. .. I feel like. less than human I feel like personalityless this is the worst thing ever. I wish it'd protect me from overstimulation at LEAST I've been having the worst sensory overloads lately I wish I could tune that all out like everything else.. unamused. I am really really really irritable now like I wanna punch anyone that talks to me that's not m friend because of how overstimulated I am constantly and I feel so baaadd because whenever my mom talks to me I get frustrated and I wanna hit shit and it sux... teenager things amirite.. )autism  actually

I'm still trying to be positive and a good influence but it is really hard!! I'm trying to be a more outwardly caring person and alllll that but it's so so so difficult when I'm home BEING AT MY HOUSE IS THE WORST THING EVER!!! I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed all the time there I can't call anyone anymore cuz I'm just like sitting there and the other person's talking and I'm liek what.. OHh... cool...

SONG OF THE DAY 

(more like of the week I've been looping this song everyday all the time it's so awesome I love ada SO FUCKING MUCH OH MY GOD SHE'S SO AWESOME!!!)

anywho.. hope u liked my ramble blog.. thank u for reading.. HAVE AN AWESOME DAY!!!!! image of tree near the railroad track..