Rating the Monster energy flavors (cuz fuck you)

Haven't made a blog in a while cause nobody reads them, but uh, hey, why not rate the emo juice I drank, from worst to best? As if anyone will actually read this, lol. Note, only rating the ones I actually drank, you won't find too much unique fluff here. 

SHIT TIER, FUCK THESE!

Monster Rehab is shit, every single one. They are just- FUCKING TEA bro, why would I drink this? I'd just grab hot leaf juice and heat it up myself! I don't exactly like tea, I think it's boring, but of all the tea out there, the only real advantage with this one is that it's in a DECEPTIVELY cool can. No joke, I thought this was like Monster Nitro due to the can design...never been more disappointed, spoiler alert, Nitro is up there.

Besides that, fuck the coffee too? It's dull and lifeless. Why buy coffee? Why not soda, or if you are completely fucking mental...pop....also anything in a bottle is a ripoff, cans are more eco friendly and cooler in general, plastic is aids.

The doctor is just orange soda...same for grey ultra and citron for lemon, why would I want these?

...MONSTER ASSAULT IS JUST DR PEPPER! Mule is unique but shit!

Mid tier, I drink these to feel unique ig

Ultra Black has the most emo can, definitely up there for the design, but the stiff taste is not always what you want, sometimes it can just taste like piss, context sensitive stuff.

Mango Loco is just something from later in the list but less stingy on the tongue, it's inferior...the can looks sick though.

Pipeline Punch is really cool, actually, pretty fun flavor, and the can is so colorful (it makes me like pink for once). Besides that, sometimes the passion fruit part of the taste can be a bit weird, especially when it gets warmer. It's a neat diversion

Ultra Paradise is super stingy and sweet, it's like a manic episode in a can...and much like mania I think I've had a bit too much of it, it's not you, it's me, we just need a break.

Ultra Red is borinnggggggg....merry christmas

...MIXXD is just...again, worse than a flavor further down below, yet again I don't find it that often, maybe the market has caught on.

Monarch is like, cool?

The actually desirable ones

Monster Blue is quite fitting for a cold day, I dunno, taste and can does that to me, I'm a victim to fancy shapes and colors. Melancholic drink, Have the odd desire to listen to hybrid theory when drinking one of these.

Pacific Punch has a girl on it :> also it tastes good geuhughghuheuhgh

Ultra Violet is awesome, it makes me love grapes, i.e. it makes me love the most fake and artificial grape flavor in the world, since I fucking hate grapes irl, no joke, fuck them balls.

Whatever the hell the Lewis Hamilton flavor was when it was still in print, I loved it. Was it apple? Blue grape? Idk, it was cool....also APPARENTLY THEY CAUSED CANCER??? LMFAO???

Monster Gold is pineapple and the can makes it more likely I'll be beaten up and robbed, it's so shiny.

LE GO TO:

Monster's standard...aka absolute zero cause it's the exact same thing but tangier...and blue. It's the ol' reliable, the OG, the uh...one I drink when I'm undecisive?

Monster Nitro fuuuckkkssssss, it's the sickest can design, also it's like eating lemon peels, I did that as a kid.

Monster Watermelon is fucking awesome, I don't care what you guy say. It's so tangy.

Monster Ripper rips serious ass.

Ultra Fiesta is personal, it's so metaphorically bittersweet, I first drank it sitting down at a wall, accepting the trouble I'd have to endure that week (not elaborating), listening to some neat midwest type shit...idk, it hits different...also it's mango, so.

....in no particular order, single person who gives  a shit.