actually sobbing

so basically in my friend group, we have this joke that me and my friend sally(all names will be  a fake name) have a kid and he is the best co-parent anyone could ask for trust me he is a grade A caretaker but the thing is the kid tabby isn't his tabby is my exs child and i hate my ex like most so my ex burner is just hated within my friend group bc of some stuff they did a few years back 

(i dated burner way before my friend group and i became a friend group i would never date someone my friends hate like that)

but I told my sister kiki and my other fake daughter strawberry and they proceed to make me beg and plead for them to not tell sally then told him anyways and i get it was just a fake inside joke but something about them telling him brought me to tears i just felt betrayed and when they told the gc i felt genuinely sl*t shamed hell when i left the group call they had me in they called me a slut again while trying to get me to join back idk why im reacting this way maybe bc it made me feel like my mom now im not in a similar situation or anything my dad is my dad but my biggest fear is being like her and i mean everyone's fear is being like their mom but being put on the spot and the way me and sally genuinely talked about this fake kid like she was ours made it hurt so much more THEN the worst part.

so im the chaotic one of the group which is fine but they doubt me they hold stuff from me and treat my like pretty much an idiot so the basically took me and sals fake parenting and made me the asshole talking about a fake party i wasn't at and what not which made me even madder its like they dont see me as a capable human claiming id neglect my own child which just hurt so much its like a tipping point and im just supposed to take the joke but  i can just tell they think id treat a real child like that like the expect me to fail in the real world and out and maybe i shouldn't be friends with people who think like that but the most likely don't mean it the way i took it

but yeah that was messy 

so i haven't read any books yet im about to start the strange magic series by the lady who made the invisible life of Addie LaRue which i loved so im hoping this pans out well bc ive been in such a book slump noting realling intresting