What's up with " Toxic Feminity " ?

What is Toxic Feminity?

Perhaps you’ve come across the term “toxic masculinity” before. If so, you might know this concept describes the ways society’s gender-based expectations for men can breed unhelpful characteristics and behaviors, including aggression, difficulty expressing emotions, and excessive self-reliance.

The definition of the term can vary slightly, depending on the source. A common anti-feminist misconception suggests it means using “feminine” qualities to manipulate men. Yet most experts agree toxic femininity involves restricting your behavior to fit stereotypically feminine traits that men supposedly find pleasing.

Toxic femininity can describe any instance when women are either explicitly told to conform to traditional stereotypes or attempt to align with those stereotypes themselves. Toxic femininity, to put it simply, describes behavior that reflects or supports gender-based stereotypes or social norms for women. Exposure to these social norms and stereotypes typically begins at an early age, and this mindset isn't your fault.

It is essentially a way for women to sabotage others by using her traditionally feminine qualities.

It is where a woman’s response to a long-standing threat of failure, underappreciation, or a need to prove herself over her male peers reacts by resenting the women around her who are fighting the same battles.

Toxic female behavior

This can take many forms such as gossip and social exclusion of the women around. Because toxic femininity isn’t simple and straightforward, it is rather hard to explain and define it.

Although there’s still a way to go, more women than ever are bagging those high-level degrees, jobs, and positions of power. But instead of sharing a sisterly bond of pride and celebration as our foremothers may have hoped, we often look at our high achieving ladies with a paranoid and jealousy-steeped side-eye.

Just as in the past (and indeed to some extent, still today) women competed for male attention with the goal of “marrying well,” they now seem to do the same – but for the attention of a boss, a professor, or a client. The motivation may have moved forward but the method has not.

This intrinsic envy for other females and the immediate comparison many of us do subconsciously – Is she more attractive? More qualified? More charming? – creates a toxic work or academic environment for all involved.

Feminism & toxic femininity

But why are these toxic females so commonplace – and are we bad feminists for calling this phenomenon out?

I would actually argue the opposite. Feminism is about equality of all – and women putting other women down goes against its very core. Indeed, putting anyone down – no matter what their gender may be – does not coincide with the values of equality.

But when women in competitive environments turn against each other rather than being mutually proud and respectful that against all the odds, they both made it – it really is rather sad.

What can you do about toxic femininity?

Once identified, should we then shun these supposedly “toxic” women? Wouldn’t that mean sinking to their level? We must bear in mind that toxic femininity comes from a place of long-term societal conditioning and deep insecurity.

Society has, for as long as we can remember, taught us to target other women usually in a personal or domestic setting. But as more women are in the workforce today than ever before that targeting has also slipped into the workplace.