ah the holidays

such a hateful stressful time lol I've hated xmas for as long as I care to remember. It was always a stressful time for my mother who had 4 children and not always a man to help her financially. Then of course there was the night before xmas that I woke up with my stepfather in my bed and my clothes removed. That xmas was grey. me cowering in the corner behind the couch as far away from any xmas cheer as I could , I don't even remember opening presents I only recall hearing my siblings squeal with joy and his evil smile as he rubbed my mothers back both of them pleased with themselves my mother for the joy they were bringing the children , and for him being able to trick me into not running to my mother for help that night. My dislike for xmas only grew after that since every year that day would bring back hurtful angry memories it took me along time to move on from. After I got a little older the holiday sadness melted into the very same stress my mother had constantly lived , As I too had children way to young and not always help through the holiday but as always I prevailed and my children never went without. now i am in my 30's , I still hate xmas lol but I love traditions I've stopped stressing over presents and I got over the past long ago , now I don't try to get my kids a shit ton of presents every year lol I would if I could but I just cant and its still too stressful to try. Even though i am now married and my husband makes 5 times what I do we don't share money. so I go with the old saying " something they want , something they need , something to wear and something to read" which is so great because it can be so versatile my husband doesn't understand this and prefers the traditional just buy a bunch of stuff. like ok here's a example my son is into manga so this year he will be getting a few manga's. so he is getting the traditional "read" and usually my daughter who isn't so much into reading but is a talented sketching artist I would get her a new sketch book. so it can be switched up but follow the basic guidelines and then following tradition they will have a open the night before gift which I use to make these little boxes that would have new pajamas , a movie and a snack and drink you know family time lol but now no one watches DVDs lol so that's out so I'm thinking pajamas and then like maybe a snack and a bored game or maybe pajamas and a bathroom set like a bath set for the girls and smell good set for the boys. of course i cant do that for his kids because they don't participate in game night and they are I'm not sure the word but if they don't like your gift if its not name brand or whatever they will tell you so and abandon it. I once watched my step daughter open 15 presents my mom got her on her bday. the first time my mom met the kids and she did this on her own accord I didn't even know she was doing it but my step daughter was turning 11 and my mom wanted to do something nice for her , every present she opened she made fun of saying it was stupid or she didn't like it and gave it back to my mom or handed it to my 8 year old niece telling her she could have it. I was appalled and so angry! my poor mother was so good about it apologizing to the child and myself I was heartbroken for my mom , my children know how to be respectful if they don't like a present they say thank you anyways and put it up complain about it to me later when we are at home and alone. that's been years ago and I still cant get over that. our first xmas together I learned the same lesson half the stuff I put into their stocking they left on the ground for me to clean up , presents they didn't like they made fun of. My husband doesn't see a problem with this behavior or he feels so guilty for not being in their lives as much as he should have that he looks the other way. this is why when he asked what we should do about xmas I told him I would buy for my 3 and our daughter and he could buy for his 3. I love my step children they all have good hearts and a great sense of humor , our children all get along together really well and besides nobody is perfect my babies included as well as myself but when it comes to gift buying its just easier to split it up this way so no body's feelings get hurt. lol well this rant is now over and i feel much better getting this stuff off my chest who knew how much blogging would help clear my mind and my heart. <3 if you're reading id just like to say happy holidays and I hope any bad memories or stress gets blown away with happy smiles and fun traditions.