venting bc i know no one would read this

I fucking hate my mom, i cant even look her in the eyes without remember all the words she said to me. she even wants me in a long term facility, i don’t know what to do anymore i love her but i also hate her. she traumatized me so much, I wish i was never born lol.

I just wanna go home, im so sick of her bs. all she does is gets high and drinks while we’re in the city, everytime im out for mental health she sees it as her chance to get high and drunk. she knows i hate when she does that too. I wish i could sleep and never wake up. im tired of handing her bullshit all the time n she doesnt even know how i feel.

if i tell her shes gonna use it against me all drunk, last time she locked me in the bathroom LMFAO and yelled at me for like 30 minutes. this summer she was yelling at me too, all she did was get drunk and high. she doesnt know i seen her take lines, shit traumatized me and i remember what she said “we’re either high or dead” I hate but love her it fucking sucks. I wish i could end it all without hurting anybody, Im gonna give up one day.