"but do i want to say goodbye to all the glowing eyes?"

1825 days

shifting slightly but still in the same spot. i find my hands and lift myself off the ground, still looking through an empty void. "make them stop" the nothingness that i'm trying to make into something is dizzying my vision, or what little of it i have left. skin against skin, it stings, like T.V static, blue-black-grey. finding my throat as i grip at its twisting vowels, straining to shut it off, but the screaming won't cease. inside my body, fireworks, a reaction, flaming disease or whatever it is. i thought it was just my imagination, but i stand corrected as the eyes fade back into frame, like stars, they glow. daring to flicker at my movement, i lose control of my bones. 

the eyes duplicate, through the tinnitus i hear yelling, not screaming, vocal yelling. it's coming from me. i want out. i need out. 

i find feeling in my legs, still static, but enough power to push myself off the floor and run. where? i have no clue, pushing past the eyes i plead aloud to stop them. running for what feels like hours, the time usually loses purpose in this state. fading into audio: kicking tom drums, they rattle into effect. crash cymbals. repeatedly crashed into my ears. light. i see it. i see that light, that speck of glimmer that people always say is at the end of the tunnel. my heart rate quickens and thumps through my chest as i sprint towards it, repeating the words "i'm here!" the light grows brighter so i close my eyes, hoping i won't trip.

warm air encapsulates me. summer-spring, orange-blue-teal. my eyes open without second thought and i see it. my bedroom, saturation turned up unexpectedly. the wooden door creaking as gusts of wind from the window push it shut. peace. i'm finally at peace.

i don't realize it, but tears stream like a waterfall down my face, salt tinted climbing through my mouth. my knees collapse and i feel it, that emotion i can't label. it's all heaven above me and i never want to leave.

but i see it. again.

fuck.