"the oceans blacker than black, the sky is too" {update}

in a motel with my family finally, not staying at a friends no more. its actually rlly shit cuz my fam hates me. i've been going through a manic episode so that means after its done i'll crash dramatically into a wall (song ref from my sotd below lol) so i can't wait for that (sarcasm). 

i have been getting out of the house more, my friends drag me out of the motel and we fuck around lmao. i went to an art show a few nights ago with abby (friend whos place i was recently at) and there were alot of old ppl drinking champagne lmao, we didn't stay long, just looked at the art then went to get ice cream at her job lolz. we had our sappy main character moment and it was amazing. alot has been on my mind lately and updating on here seems harder :( but i'm trying.

i've had alot of stuff on my mind. mainly my childhood. i usually go to parks when i hang with friends. everytime i go i see families, with young children playing on swings, parents taking photos of them and playing with them and it comes to mind that they are going to grow up. they'll become a teenager and go through things, have blissful experiences, have horrible feelings, cry, laugh, feel. they'll have moments they'll remember forever. they are human, thats what we all go through, but just the thought that there might be someone in the world who knows that they'll forever look at their younger years with rose colored glasses is amazing. being self-aware of your own existence is bittersweet. i live in a dark, crime infested town but when i'm sitting outside watching the sunset from the top of a hill, the world feels a little prettier. i know i'm not making sense, thats usually why i don't share my feelings, i can never put thoughts into coherent sentences. but hey what do i know about life, i haven't even lived it all out yet.

song of the day: drown - tyler joseph (song playing over blog rn!) yes its depressing but it gets me through alot of shit. i love tyler and twenty one pilots alot. see ya !