trashy or no?

man I absolutely love it when my husband watches me take out 12 bags of trash as he sits and smokes his cigarettes' and drinks his beer. no it really makes me want to cry but then I think to myself what for? if you bitch at him and he leaves you well guess what? you'll still be taking all this trash out by yourself and paying all the bills by yourself so suck it up buttercup and enjoy married life...the one thing you never wanted was to be married well here you are don't you just love it???!!!he's also doing that thing again where he just stays in his car for hours , sometimes overnight drinking , listening to music and playing on his phone. I know why too its because I called him earlier to ask if he had dropped off the kids and was heading home but he said he was having lunch and hanging out with his eldest child and then he got mad and said that he told me before of his plans,  which he so did not or else I would not have called him!! and now his son on the other side of the phone who knows what he must think of me like I'm trying to rush his dad from their hang out or something I don't know just made me embarrassed because I didn't know and now I look like a assshole! he doesn't like me I just know it and he resents me because I don't drink or smoke anymore and now he has no body to hang out with. He says he loves me but he's tried to leave me multiple times what am I to do when he finally does? I have loved this man since I was 12 and he has loved me as well but the only thing we ever had in common is childhood trauma and addictions to get over them.

UPDATE : i remeber now he did tell me about seeing his eldest when he dropped off the kids lol but it was a couple weeks before so i had forgotten all about it